I have decided to create numerous blog posts about learning Drupal right from the very start Drupal is an utter friggin’ nightmare. If you want to become a Drupal Themer / Web designer / Developer – the best advice I could possibly give you is – Get out now – while you still can “Save yourself!”, “Run for the hills!” leave this page – do it now before you get sucked in and it’s all too late.

It’s a red or blue pill situation – really. What was it that Morpheus was told he could do with the blue pill?

The World of Drupal and primarily Drupal tutorial videos is generally presented by squeaky clean happy young men and women whom throughout their demonstrations appear to remain cool and calm – everything works as it should and it’s a simple click’ click’ with a mouse and bingo. Job done, thanks very much.

The reality (I believe) is this. These videos are highly edited. It’s more along the lines of click’ click’ <snip>BAM! F**K it! That F&^%ING pile of…..</snip>The presenter then goes off camera, shoots up some smack or crack or whatever, smokes a dozen fags downs a bottle of Scotch and then goes home for the weekend (just in case they don’t come back the next week – all presenters are genetically cloned before leaving the office) to continue the presentation.

To become a successful and not stressful Drupal Themer you will need the following skills:

#1 Utter belligerence – never say no – never give up.

#2 Self sacrifice – You will quite probably loose your wife/husband over this. Without doubt you will loose what little social skills you have due to total lack of communication with the outside world. Don’t think you can stay in touch with your friends with Facebook – just forget it ok, you won’t have time. Also be prepared to loose your hair your sanity and any rationale you have toward common sense and fair play. In short be prepared to become an anti-social, spotty, flatulent, fat, bald bastard. If you already are one then congratulations you’re half way there.

#3 Other skills you will absolutely need:

The patience of a Saint,  the sleuthing skills of Sherlock Holmes,  the IQ of a genius and the balls of a dump-truck (even if you’re a woman) – you have been warned. (No actually – you have just been told. This is not a warning.)

Other things I should warn you about – Drupal is an Open Source Freeware project. There are no guarantees about anything whatsoever, even the guarantees are not guaranteed. Drupal module authors range from hardened pro’s to have-a-go-joe’s, from slick and slim to totally gim. (A nice little touch of verse there to counter the colourful prose that will inevitably follow.)

#4 A rock solid sense of humour, trust me it’s the only thing that’s going to keep you alive through the darkness and despair.

WARNING! (as if I haven’t already given enough warnings) The Drupal pages on this site have been moved to their own special categories area. I am hosting the pages of this site in it’s own non-descript bunker on my own private server at home with a dynamic IP address as the language might get a bit colourful.

If you are sitting there thinking – For goodness sake, I wish he’d just get on with the tutorial then I’d quickly just like to say this – Are you mad? Have you not listened to a word your own mind is telling you now? I mean you’re the one that’s reading. It your own voice inside your head that’s talking to you now (unless you still need to read aloud – but it’s similar).

Okay?

Sure?

Really Sure?

Microsoft do that all the time and it’s annoying, but in this case I think it’s only fair.

Now go up to the search box on this site and type the word Drupal and click on search (this is only a WordPress blog and not a Drupal site and doesn’t have that sort of functionality) – and may the Lord give you both strength and insight.

Amen.

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