We all know that Moore’s Law stipulates that every 18 months computer power doubles. We, if I might be so bold as to mention something that should be pretty obvious to everyone – but I’ll point it out just the same

Disclaimer – It wasn’t me ok?

Have you noticed your computer responding twice as quickly every 18 months? What do you mean no? Are you honestly saying that over the past 20 years your computer doesn’t even seem twice as fast to use?

A quick (but accurate) calculation…

20 years *12 months a year = 240 months

240 months /18 months (moore’s law for doubling speed)  = 13.33 doubblings of speed – the same as a 13bit binary digit which can be expressed as:

2^13.33 = 10,321

So basically according to Moore’s Law, your computer should be over 10,000 times faster to use than is was 20 years ago. The remarkable truth though is – it isn’t.

Why? I hear you ask? The reason for this should be quite clear:

You’re running Microsoft Software. It’s as simple as that. I have come up with a new Law of my own which goes something like this:

Every 18 months or so, Microsoft enhances their own Benoulli Random Bullshit Implacement System – which sporadically generates random spurious code and inserts it into a randomly generated text file otherwise known as source code.

It is during the compilation of this code that a programmer is actually employed to insert a variety of delay loops, and newly created words that ‘jive’ to create their very own language that no one else on Earth either knows about or cares to ever learn. This new ‘lingo’ or ‘jingo’ is then spondulerationiseizd to make is sound as though they know what they’re talking about and you don’t. Having created their very own extedabalized verbage, the newly created ‘word’ (Windows Organazationalized Resourcifikied Dictionary)is then patented and added to the English language.

Lead ‘Programmers’  are asked to come up with the most convoluted way possible to make anything happen – this methodologizing is then made into a framework and then other worker drone programmers are then given the task to generare as many lines of code as possible.

as well as numerous critical security flaws to keep 1,000’s of other programmers guessing for years to come as to what on earth is going on.

A typical Microsoft software agreement should look something like this:

We have absolutely no doubt, whatsoever, that this software contains numerous critical security flaws. Microsoft also and in no way at all, whatsoever make any grarantee for any reason that this program will do what it’s suposed to do.

We, having just screwed as much money as we possibly can out of you, accept no responsibility whatsoever for the crappy state of this ‘software’. Now that you’ve paid us to run our software on your computer you now fully accept that we own the intellectual property for everything you have ever done or will ever do. Our software is known to be not-fit-for-purpose and we utterly deny any responsibility for the substantial damage that is bound to happen to your business.

After many, many many years of development and ‘optimizationizing’ the developed code will execute at about one third the speed of any other comparable piece of software – whilst also providing 1.67 * 10^16 critical security flaws.

Microsoft also proudly announce that their latest browser IE9 – is now almost a third the speed of other browsers (which is blistering performance for Microsoft) and now has less than half the standards compliance of any other browser – again a staggering feet for Microsoft.

has been expanded to take up as many system resources whilst simultaneously availing the user with as little benefit or functionalityas possible.

piles up more and more absolute dross into their opperating systems, that are so badly flawed and so badly programmed with so many mistakes, critical security flaws, service packs, patches, updates that everything and I mean everything that Microsoft do – is filled to the brim with complete and utter bollocks. And… that there’s enough bullshit in their programming structure (or should I say, parallelisizationising of porgramatically executed extedabilisms) there to tie up a microprocessor that I suspect the day the first truly Quantum Processor is developed, Microsoft will have to reach the level of Infinite programmatical Bullshit.

Remember the days when you could boot your opperating system from a floppy disk, which only held 1.44Mb?

Now a days it takes far longer to boot your system and there are several 100,000 times more critical security flaws – Ah how we love progress…


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